


I can finally breathe

by laalhe



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:47:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28545078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laalhe/pseuds/laalhe
Summary: I have never given much thought as to why I hate Shelby Goodkind as much as I do. We have just always hated each other since the day we first met back in Freshman year. Her perfect clothes, perfect hair, perfect teeth, and unwavering happiness boils my blood to no end. That's why when Mr. Hartford assigned us as partners for our biology project, that would last the entire school year, I was about ready to off myself.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 22
Kudos: 117





	1. Chapter 1

I was late for school, again. My shitty foster mom refused to wake up to drive me so I had to walk. This has started to become a regular occurrence now that my social worker has eased up on the random drop ins. It all was rainbows and butterflies in the beginning but once the fosters realized I wasn't going to say anything to my SW about their lack of effort, they stopped trying altogether. But it's fine. I get a roof over my head, the occasional ride to school when they feel like it, and food when they remember to buy it. They get to collect the checks from the state and I get to try and make my living situation last for as long as I can. The next house wouldn't be any better anyway, so I endure whatever shit I have to. I have finally been in one place long enough to have made a best friend, become my high schools number one basketball player, and feel like I can finally breathe. 

It was Friday morning and I stumbled through the doorway of biology ten minutes late, sweaty and out of breath. Everyone was staring at me...great. 

"What the fuck are you all staring at?" I mumbled. There is nothing I hate more than being stared at like I'm some kind of freak. I slipped over to my usual desk in the back of the class by the window. Martha, my best friend, anxiously waiting in the seat next to mine.

"Where have you been and why are you all sweaty?" Martha asked.

"Take a wild guess Marty," I snapped.

"The fosters again, Toni? I'm sorry." Martha knew it could get bad at home sometimes but I don't like to burden anyone with my problems.

"It's fine Marty. Don't worry about me. Besides, nothing like a little run in the morning to help get this hoops machine ready for the championship game coming up," I said as I flexed my biceps in her face.

I was interrupted when Mr. Hartford began clearing his throat to get our attention. "Miss Shalifoe would you mind not distracting Miss Blackburn. She was being very attentive before you showed up." I looked guiltily at Martha before mumbling an apology. Class dragged on and I got a quick nap in. Martha always lets me use her notes so I never give my full attention to the boring that is Biology. 

__________________

The day dragged on but soon it was lunchtime. My favorite time of the day I might add. I met up with Marty and Regan at our usual picnic table outside. Marty was trying to get a squirrel to eat Takis out of her hand and Regan was filming the attempt.

"You guys know that you are ruining my cred, right?" I shouted as I walked over to them.

"Please, Toni. This "cred" you speak of is the pure aggression that makes people scared of you. You need us around to balance you out. Right Marty?" Regan teased.

"Yeah, besides your know that you want to assist in this feat I'm trying to pull off," Marty whispered still trying to keep the squirrel focused on her.

The squirrel was inches away before a group of assholes threw a soda can at the squirrel making it run away. I immediately saw red.

"You fucking idiots!" I screamed. "Are your brains that empty? I swear to fucking god I will beat your skulls in just to show everyone here how empty your heads actually are." I began stalking towards them. I was ready to get a few good hits in when a blond ponytail swung into view, interrupting my advance. 

"Everyone! Everyone! Calm down, this is all in good fun. Right, Andrew? Surely that soda can being thrown was a perfect accident. Besides he really did y'all a favor. I mean that squirrel surely wasn't sanitary. He may have even saved your life," Shelby said in her sickeningly cheerful tone.

"You're shitting me, right?" I deadpanned. "You airhead bi-" Marty and Regan yanked me away before I could finish my response.

"Hey" I yelled, struggling against their grips. Once we were a good distance away they began chastising me.

"You can't go around making enemies like that Toni," Marty said.

"I was just trying to defend you, Marty. No one gets to mess with you like that without getting their ass beat. Besides, you were so close with that squirrel. You can't tell me those assholes didn't piss you off too?" I stressed.

"Yes of course it irritated me Toni. But I don't go around starting fights because of it. Shelby surely didn't deserve to be called what you were going to call her anyway. You know she was just trying to make peace" Marty said gently.

"I can't stand her Marty and you know it. Remember Freshman year? What she said? She doesn't deserve any kindness, even tolerance, from me," I seethed. I began kicking a small rock with the ratty toe of my boot. Thinking back to that encounter makes my stomach churn with hate. There is nothing Shelby Goodkind could ever do to make me like her.

__________________

_ Shelby _

I always dread the days where Andrew requires me to come to his defense. He's been my boyfriend for the last two years and he doesn't always make it easy. I know he means well but sometimes it can be exhausting being with him. But it is worth it for the life we could live. One day we'll get married and have babies and live the good Christian life we were both raised to have. To find a guy that my parents approve of is no easy feat. But Daddy likes him and as far as giving his blessing, well Andrew says he's already implied that it's a done deal. The fact that my life feels completely planned out by other people makes me want to pull my hair out at times. But God has a plan and so far this seems to be it. 

I was sitting with Andrew, my best friend Becca, and the rest of our friends when I heard shouting at the table next to ours. Andrew and his friends were goofing around and seemed to piss off notorious hothead Toni Shalifoe. Of all people Andrew could have started stuff with he finds the one person in this whole school that truly hates me. I couldn't even tell you why she does, but, the feeling is mutual.

I watched as Toni started towards the group, pushing her sleeves up like she was getting ready to fight. I jumped in front of her, coming to Andrew's defense and getting her to move her attention to me instead. She looked at me and began calling me awful names before being swept away by her friends. I glared at the back of her head as she walked away. 

"Once again the sinner gets another step closer to hell. She better watch her back. I'll show her a thing or two about respecting a man of God," Andrew sneered while clenching his fists into balls.

"You wouldn't actually hit a girl, would you Andrew? You're just saying that cause you're angry." I responded nervously.

"She's closer to animal than girl if you ask me. No homos get my respect, girl or not." Andrew said with disgust.

I winced at his words. He has never once shown me aggression but hearing him say these things makes me think he is more than capable.


	2. Chapter 2

_ Toni _

It was Sunday night and I was lying in bed when my phone buzzed.

 **Marty** : Hey.

 **Me** : Hey. What's up?

 **Marty** : Good news and bad news. What do you want first?

 **Me** : Idk just give me both 

**Marty** : Good news is I got into the animal science class that I was on the waitlist for! Bad news is I'm leaving Biology so we won't have first period together anymore. Don't be mad. 

**Me** : Not mad. You'll do great with the animals Marty. Sad that this means no mores naps for me apparently

 **Marty** : Yeah without my notes you'll actually have to start paying attention. Maybe it'll be good for you. You'll actually learn something.

 **Me** : Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here...

After Marty delivered the bad news, she offered to give me a ride to school in the morning. That's why for the first time in my life I was walking into first period early. So early in fact that only one other student was sitting, waiting for class to start.

You've got to be fucking kidding me. 

"Pardon me?" they chirped from the back of the room.

Shit I had said that out loud. I watched as Shelby began setting out her things in Marty's spot.

"Oh no you don't. Get your shit and move. That's Marty's seat," I spit.

"Marty and I switched first periods. Animals are not my forte. Besides Biology will look better on my college applications. Mr. Hartford told me to sit here. So take it up with him if you've got a problem," Shelby said while staring me down.

I stood in the doorway waiting until Mr. Hartford arrived. The second I saw him I rushed over and immediately made sure my complaints were heard.

Long story short I am now halfway through first period sitting next to my sworn enemy ready to stab her perfectly manicured hand to the table to keep her from raising it for the hundredth time today. 

I had my head down on my arms trying to drown out the southern drawl next to me when Mr. Hartford gave me the worst news I had heard in a while.

"You will be completing a year-long project with your table-mate. This will count for 50% of your final grade so put your best effort into it as it is essential to passing this class. It will be expected of you to work outside of school on this. We will also be going away as a class for a long weekend at Tadpole Lake to collect specimens for your projects and give you dedicated time with your partners to work on the project without life getting in the way. Any questions?"

I shot my hand up so fast I probably gave Shelby whiplash.

"Yes Miss Shalifoe?"

"I work better solo. Partners are not for me-"

Mr. Hartford immediately cut me off, "Non-negotiable. Besides, you'll all learn invaluable skills on how to work as a team. No switches. Make. It. Work. Alright, class dismissed".

I slowly turned my head to see Shelby already smiling at me.

"Since we seem to have no choice on the matter, I'll get right to it. I have so many ideas. I'll make a spread sheet and then we can pick. We'll have to work out a schedule to meet up, of course we'll have to work around my pageant training, I suppose you probably have things too but of course my pageants will take priority..." Shelby was talking a mile a minute with completed disregard to the expression of complete annoyance and disbelief on my face.

"Will you stop for half a second," I cut in. "You really think I'm going to rearranged my life for your airhead competitions? I don't think so. I have actual priorities that take precedent such as being the star basketball player of this school. You'll just have to work around my schedule if you know what's good for you."

Shelby's cheerful act faltered. "Okay first of all, they are called beauty pageants. They actually require quite of bit of skill I'll have you know. Secondly, I didn't say we couldn't work around your schedule too. We will just have to find time for both of us."

I rolled my eyes and left. I couldn't take another second of her. 

__________________

The next morning we had to spend the entire class period with our partners coming up with a plan on how to execute the project.

"I have pageant training Tuesdays and Thursdays, volunteering at the homeless shelters on Mondays, and Bible study on Wednesdays. That leaves Fridays open," Shelby listed off and she began writing a schedule.

"Helllllll no. Friday's are game days. Off the table. You work around me remember?" I huffed.

"We'll compromise. I suppose I can volunteer at a different time. So, Monday's?" she asked.

"Fine but only after Basketball practice," I muttered.

"Alright and then maybe Wednesday's too? I can push my Bible study to later in the day," she said.

Shelby got into organization mode. Soon a color coordinated spreadsheet was staring me right in the face.

"Alright so here's the calendar for the month. I threw in a few weekend dates in case we need the extra time." Shelby held out her hand, "Give me your number so I can share the digital version of the calendar."

I reluctantly handed her my phone. This was going to be a long year. 

__________________

Sunday 8:30pm

**Shelby** : Hi. So project after your practice tomorrow? 

**Me** : Yeah whatever. 

**Shelby** : Ok. So how about I wait for you and then we can work at my house?

 **Me** : Fine. 

**Shelby** : Jeez. Woman of many words...

 **Me** : Anything else?

 **Shelby** : Yeah how long does your practice last?

 **Me** : 45min-1hr depends on the day

 **Shelby** : Ok. I'll wait at the picnic tables. 

**Me** : K

_ Shelby _

I waited. Longest hour of my life. But deep breathes Shelby, it's for the greater good, I have to keep reminding myself.

I see her. Finally the team lets out. She sees me but does she hurry over? No. She's chatting away without a care in the world. I have tried to be civil but lord she is testing me.

"Toni! Yoo-hoo! Over here," I called. She turned and glared at me but finally began stalking over.

"There you are. You do realize that time is precious and in order to make this work you need to focus, okay?" I said trying to sound confident and demanding. She looked at me like I was crazy.

"You do realize the world doesn't revolve around you, right?" Toni spit out.

I sighed, "Let's just go." 

The drive to my house was a quiet one. I don't do "quiet" very well so I turned on the radio. Christian rock started blaring and Toni immediately shot her hand out to turn it off.

"None of that is allowed to reach these ears, got it?" she shouted.

"Alrighty, don't get your panties all twisted."

I turned on top 40 which didn't seem to please her all that much more. We pulled into my driveway about 10 minutes later. Looks like my parents and siblings aren't home yet. For the best, I'm not quite sure what Daddy will think about Toni. He can be very opinionated about who I spend time with.

Toni scoffed when she looked out the window and saw my house. We aren't rich by any means but we are comfortable. I don't know why she seems so put out by my house. It's perfectly nice after all. 

"Do you want a quick tour?" I asked once we walked inside.

"Sure," Toni said sounding uncomfortable.

I showed her around the family room, kitchen, music room, library, dad's office, and then headed up to my room. My room is covered in pinks, whites, and creams mixed ogether in the most feminine and wonderful way. My room is my safe place.

"Poor Lupe" is the first thing Toni says when we enter my room. I looked at her confused. "Excuse me?"

Toni rolled her eyes, "All those pillows. On, off, on, off. Your maid must want to kill herself after working here."

It took me a few seconds to realize she was making a joke.

"I'll have you know that I make my own bed. Besides, Lucinda doesn't come in here. I take care of my own room," I said defiantly.

"Oh my god. Lucinda. Wow. Well I wasn't too far off now was I princess," Toni chuckled.

We worked on our Biology project for the next 45 minutes. Well, I worked on it and Toni lay sprawled across my floor while playing catch with herself with a paper ball. Soon we heard the front door open as my family spilled inside, home from whatever church obligation they were at that evening.

"Sweetheart, we're home" my dad yelled.

I looked at Toni, "Please be nice. Please I'm serious." 

_ Toni _

I was about to make a snappy remark but Shelby looked at me with pleading eyes and a hint of desperation in her voice. I don't know why, but I agreed and kept quiet. A few moments later her father came in.

"Now who might this be? I don't think we've met before. I'm Shelby's father," he reached out his hand to shake mine.

"Uh, Toni, sir. Nice to meet you?" I said it almost like a question. I'm not used to these cordial pleasantries that is apparently being expected of me.

"Are you in pageants with Shelby?"

I started laughing but quickly recovered. "Uh, no, sir."

"Church?" he questioned.

"Noooooo" I drawed out.

"From school then?" He said almost sounding accusative.

I looked over and saw Shelby looking nervous.

"Um yeah, we are biology partners and are working on a project," I finally got out.

"Oh alright then. Well, dinner will be ready soon Shelbs, why don't you wrap up here and drive your little friend home."

It wasn't a question. It was an order.

"Yes, sir" Shelby said quietly.

Shelby tried followed her father out the door and tried to close it behind him.

*Bang* Mr. Goodkind slammed his hand on the door.

"You better not be trying to do what I think you're doing. No closed bedroom doors in this house. You'll do right to remember that now, darling" he said with a forced, fake smile. Shelby nodded and returned to her bed.

I watched in confusion at what just happened.

"Well he sure is a serious guy. I mean what was that about?," I asked. I felt like I was missing something. I looked at Shelby and she looked a little shaken.

"Shelby, are you okay? You look like you're gonna be sick or something."

She finally looked at me and said "Oh gosh I'm fine. I think I might be coming down with something actually. We better finished up here. I'll drive you home."

The car ride home was... well tense would be an understatement. I usually would be trying to make it clear that being in her presence was an inconvenience on my soul, but something changed. Seeing her shaken my her father made me start to think that there is more going on in the princesses life than I knew.

We pulled up in front of my house after a silent drive. Shelby wouldn't look at me or say anything. I couldn't stand the silence.

"Shelby what happened? Why are suddenly mute? Did I do something? Say something? I tried to be nice like you said. I really did. What did I do that was so horribly wrong?"

She finally snapped her head up and yelled, "Nothing! You did nothing wrong. That's the thing though. It doesn't matter how much you tried," Shelby bitterly whispered, "My dad would've had his mind made up the second he saw you."

I stared at her trying to figure out what the hell she was getting at.

"Cause I'm native?" I angrily questioned.

"God no!" Shelby cried.

"Cause I don't have the nicest clothing or prettiest smile? God, what is it?!" I started yelling.

Shelby suddenly composed herself. No expression on her face. Stone cold.

"It's because you're gay Toni," she said looking straight ahead out the window.

"You're fucking kidding me. That homophobic asshole. So that's why he wanted the door open, huh? So that I wouldn't corrupt you with my gayness."

"Toni, stop! You wouldn't understand," Shelby said sounding exhausted.

"And of course you agree with him! I mean of course you do! How could I be so stupid? I knew what kind of person you were from the day I met you! The reason why you hate me more than anyone else," I screamed storming out of her car. I heard her yell my name but I didn't turn back. 


	3. Chapter 3

Monday 10:31pm

**Shelby** : Are you awake?

**Shelby** : Toni please. 

**Toni** : No

**Shelby** : Please let me explain. 

**Toni** : I have nothing to say to you

**Shelby** : But I have so much I want to say to you. There is so much you don't understand. 

**Toni** : You are homophobic. That's all there is to understand. 

_ Shelby _

The next morning I sat in class anxiously waiting for Toni to arrive so I could talk to her. Class was almost over and she never showed up, along with a third of the rest of the class. We had a huge blizzard overnight and it looks like many are struggling to get to school. The only reason I was able to get to school was because my dad let me borrow his truck.

I tried texting Toni asking if she was going to try and make it to school or if she was skipping. No reply.

I found Martha, Toni's best friend, in the hallway after class.

"Martha, hi. I know we don't each other well but I was wondering if you've heard from Toni? She's not at school and we have a project together. She's not responding to my texts so I was wondering if you knew if she was going to try and come."

Martha looked at me confused, "She didn't show up to class? I offered her a ride this morning but she said she didn't want me to go out of my way for her and that she'd find a way to get here herself."

We both started to get nervous.

"Let me try calling her," Martha said as she began dialing. No answer.

"I know this sounds dumb but I think I need to go find her. Make sure she's ok. I wouldn't put it past Toni to do something stupid," Martha stuttered out nervously.

"I have my dad's truck. Let me drive you to her house to see if we can find her," I offered. 

The snow was still falling when Martha and I climbed into the truck. We began our slow drive with Martha anxiously looking at the side of the road as we drove. I’m not sure what she was thinking she'd find but it was starting to make me nervous.

Suddenly Martha yelled, "Stop! Stop! Oh god." She jumped out of the still partially moving truck and ran into the ditch and disappeared.

I jumped out after her, "Martha what are you doing?! What's going on?"

I finally made it down to where Martha had ran. Lying in the snow with blue lips and pale skin was an unconscious Toni.

"Shelby she needs help!" cried Martha.

"I'll call 911," I said fumbling with my phone.

"NO don't. She doesn't have insurance. It would crush her. She's still breathing. Let's just get her in the car and warm her up at my house," Martha pleaded.

I looked at her uneasily. "Fine. But if she starts looking worse I'm taking her to a doctor." 

It took a bit of effort but we eventually got Toni into the back seat of the truck. Toni began shaking uncontrollably. I started to suggest again that we call 911 but Martha convinced me that the shaking with a good sign. That Toni's body was trying to warm her up.

The drive to Martha's was beyond unnerving. Not only were the driving conditions horrible, but I was driving with what looked like a half dead body in my back seat of the girl who hated me.

When we pulled up to Martha's we hurried and lugged Toni inside. Martha ran to get hot water and towels. She seemed to suddenly know exactly what to do. She began barking orders at me to strip Toni of her wet, cold clothes and use my body heat to help start warming her up. I stared into the empty doorway that Martha was just in. You can't be serious. If Toni was conscious she wouldn't want me in the same room as her, let alone stripping and pressing my body to hers. But I pulled myself together. This is for the greater good. God led me to help find Toni, so God has intended for me to help her here too. 

I began stripping Toni. First her boots, then her socks, pants, her tan Carhart jacket, two long sleeves shirts, and a tank top. Finally she was left in her underwear and sports bra, which seemed dry enough to leave to provide her a small amount of dignity while unconscious. I avoided looking at her while I quickly remembered that I too needed to get rid of my layers.

Toni was lying there under heavy blankets, her body waiting to be helped. I sat there in my underwear wondering how on earth this is what God intended. But then I saw Toni's lips, still blue. I jumped into bed at the sight and immediately wrapped her in my arms. I inhaled sharply as I felt her ice cold skin against mine. I pulled her against me and put her head on my chest. It felt...nice.

A few minutes later Martha ran into the bedroom. She began shoving hot water bottles under the covers and warm towels anywhere she could. Then we sat and waited. I don't know how much time had passed but I began to get lost in the feeling of her skin. It was warmer now and I was able to feel how soft she was. I felt the need to take her in. Her hair smelled of coconut. Her nose dusted with light freckles. Skin smooth as silk. I was getting goosebumps, and not because I was cold this time.

Suddenly I felt a squeeze around my waist. Toni was waking up. 

_ Toni _

Soft. Warm. Touch. These are the only things that are filling my head right now. Yes this feels good. It has been so long since I've felt someone like this. I can't bring myself to open my eyes or my dream might end. But then I hear my name.

"Toni! Toni wake up. It's me Martha. I need you to open your eyes. We need to make sure that you're okay."

I slowly opened my eyes to see Martha in front of be staring nervously.

"Hey Marty. What's wrong? Why do you look like you've seen a ghost?"

Martha looked overcome with relief and emotion.

"Glad you're okay" a soft voice under me said.

I slowly turned my head thinking I must be dreaming, or rather having a nightmare. Underneath my practically naked body was non-other than Shelby Goodkind. 

"What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is this real? Why is the homophobe pressing her naked body against mine? Is this some kind of joke?" I started ranting.

Shelby quickly separated herself from me with her faced blushed a deep pink.

"Toni. Toni, breathe. There was an accident and Shelby helped save your life," Martha hurried.

After Martha explained how they found me, it was my turn to explain how I ended up in the ditch in the first place.

"With the blizzard and everything, I convinced my foster mom to give me a ride to school. She had been passed out for two days so when she realized it had been blizzarding she told me hell no and went back to sleep. Marty, I know you offered to give me a ride but I couldn't ask you to drive out of your way in a blizzard to get me. You know I hate being a burden on anyone. Obviously a sane person would've probably stayed home but I couldn’t stand to be in that house for a second longer," I said looking down at my lap, "So I decided to walk. It wasn't so bad at first. But then the visibility got bad. I couldn't see my hand in front of my face. Next thing I knew, I had tripped and fallen. Apparently into a ditch. Well the rest I don't remember, clearly," I said sending another death glare in Shelby's direction.

"Toni, enough with the glaring. You realize without Shelby you'd probably be dead," Marty said gently.

I looked over and said to Martha while looking Shelby dead in the eyes, "I take no help from homophobic god worshippers who think I'm a sinner going to hell. I'd think given the choice, I'd rather die."


	4. Chapter 4

Shelby

It’s been 2 days since the Blizzard and Toni almost dying. She hasn’t been at school either. I’ve thought about texting, but after what she said to me I can’t bring myself to. I want to talk with her in person. I need her to let me explain myself. She needs to know that I don’t hate her.

It’s a Friday and game day for the basketball team. Toni is captain so she has to attend the full day of school or she can’t play in the game. I waited anxiously at our biology table, staring in the doorway watching each face that came in, hoping it would be her. As the final bell rang for class to start, Toni slipped through the door at the last second.

I couldn't help but feel relieved and excited to finally see her. I quickly cleared my face of any expression. I needed to approach her delicately.

Toni sat down and turned her body away to face away from mine.

“Toni, how are you feeling?” I asked carefully.

Silence.

“I’m sure that was a scary day for you. With the blizzard and all. I know it was sure scary for me to see you like that,” I tried again.

Toni finally turned to look at me and scoffed “Sure Shelby. Cause I truly believe you would care about what happens to me.”

I looked at her with disbelief, “Toni, please! Of course I care about what happens to you. I don’t know when you decided that I’m such a bad person but I need you to know that I don’t hate you. You get that, right?”

“Yeah except you do though. I saw how your father was. You are the same.”

I gave up trying to talk to her for the rest of class. She is so stubborn and it’s infuriating.

“Since we missed working on the project Wednesday, how about we work on it today after your game?” I asked.

“You think I want to spend my Friday night with you?” Toni sneered.

“Please Toni can we just be civil. I’m done fighting with you. Besides, we really do need to stay on top of the project.”

“Fine. Meet me afterwards in the parking lot. We can work at my house,” Toni muttered.

__________________

Toni

The game had finished. We won, obviously. I was in a great mood but knew it would be short lived cause Shelby was waiting for me in the parking lot. I reluctantly made my way over to her car. I opened the door and threw my bag in the back seat. Shelby was tapping her fingers impatiently on the steering wheel.

“Took you long enough,” she said glancing at me.

“We won thank you very much.”

Shelby had Christian rock playing on the radio so I quick grabbed the aux cord and began blasting “All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled and Ludacris. She looked at me like I was crazy.

“I’m in too good of a mood to care about you judging me right now,” I yelled as I sang.

Shelby stayed quiet until suddenly bursting out during Ludacris’ rap and sang every single word perfectly:

_“Yeah, listen, Luda!_

_Ludacris goin’ in on the verse_

_‘Cause I never been defeated and I won’t stop now_

_Keep your hands up, get ‘em in the sky_

_For the homies that didn’t make it and my folks locked down_

_I never went nowhere, but they sayin’ Luda’s back_

_Blame on that conjure, the hood call it Luda ‘gnac_

_And I’m on this foolish track, so I spit my foolish flow_

_My hands go up and down, like strippers; booties go…_

I listened, mouth open in complete shock.

“Where did that come from,” I said laughing.

Shelby stuck her tongue out at me, “Just cause I’m a Christian doesn’t mean I can’t get down.”

We finished the ride singing together at the top of our lungs. Shelby pulled into my driveway and turned the car off. We both sat there, out of breathe. We looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“See isn’t it fun when you don’t try and hate me so much,” Shelby said.

“Thanks for reminding me. I’ll get right back to that,” I said with a grin.

Shelby shoved my shoulder playfully. We got out of the car and started to walk inside. Shelby was looking around as we walked up to the house. Not much to see except an old beat-up red truck that doesn’t run, beers can all over the ground and a sad excuse for a house.

“Not much, I know,” I said, avoiding her eyes.

“No, it’s great Toni. So you live her with your foster parents?” Shelby asked.

“Yeah, when they choose to be here. Most of the time I’m alone though, not that I mind.”

We walked in and I was able to give Shelby a tour by standing in one spot and pointing.

“We should get started I guess, my room’s in here,” I said starting to walk in then hesitated, “I mean if that’s alright with you if we work in there. We can work out here too but I just thought it’s a little cleaner-“

“Toni, yes its fine. Of course,” Shelby said quickly.

We worked on the project for a while. We didn’t talk much as we worked. It was dinner time so I ordered us a pizza. We took a break and sat and ate quietly.

A sudden curiosity came over me, “How do you do it?”

“Do what?” Shelby asked.

“Be ok with living a life to meet other’s expectations,” I said carefully.

“You wouldn’t get it. You don’t understand the pressure that I am constantly under to be perfect all the time. I don’t get a choice.”

“Everyone has a choice, Shelby.”

“You don’t have to live the same way I do, Toni. Must be nice not having anyone to answer to anyone. I don’t get that luxury!” Shelby said starting to get upset.

“No one is forcing you to do anything. If you want to do something, just do it! Who cares what other people think.”

Suddenly I felt her lips on mine. She was kissing me. She threw herself at me with such force that I had to grab her waist to steady us. It only took a few seconds before I found myself kissing her back. I put my hand in her hair and pulled her closer to me. She whined into the kiss as I began deepening it, suddenly craving to have her as close to me as possible.

As quick as it started, she stopped and pulled away. She stared at me with scared, wide eyes and ran. She drove away in a hurry, leaving me wondering what the hell just happened? Suddenly everything I thought I knew didn’t make sense anymore.

11:35pm

**Toni** : Did you make it home okay? You left really upset…

**Shelby** : yeah I’m fine. I’d really prefer if we can pretend that never happened. I don’t know what I was thinking.

**Toni** : If you ever want to talk, I’d listen

**Shelby** : No really, I’m fine. Nothing to talk about. See you Monday.


	5. Chapter 5

Toni

I spent all weekend thinking about the kiss. Thinking about her. What once was thoughts of pure hatred towards her is now filled with thoughts of confusion, frustration, and…desire.

As I walked into class she immediately avoided my gaze.

“Hi,” I said quietly as a I sat down.

Shelby just nodded her head in my direction.

“How are you?” I asked hoping she’d pick up on the deeper implication of the question.

“I’m fine of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” she said obviously not wanting to discuss anything further.

I spent all of class hoping she would look my way. What a change from last week when I wanted nothing to do with her. I spent so many hours over the weekend thinking about the kiss. Thinking back to waking up in her arms that day of the blizzard. I have been feeling guilty about how much I shamed her thinking she was the same as her dad. I had no idea what she was going through internally. Clearly she is still dealing with a lot. I’m not going to push her, I’ve decided. I’ll just be there if she needs me.

Shelby

I spent the entire weekend trying to push what happened out of my mind. I've felt sick about it the entire time, right up until she sat down next to me and I could finally see her again. When she’s near me all those thoughts of doubt seem to disappear. I tried my hardest to avoid her questions. I didn’t want to talk about it. I can’t.

I felt her gaze on me all class. Every time I would look at her she was staring at me with curious eyes like she was trying to read my mind.

Something came over me and I suddenly needed to feel her. Any part of her. I slowly inched my hand closer to her so I could press my pinky against the side of her hand. I removed it just as quick so she wouldn’t think it was intentional. I spent the rest of class seeking out opportunities to be close to her. I became bold enough to reach across the table pretending to grab a textbook next to her and in the process pressed my body up against hers. I heard her gasp quietly. She knew it wasn’t an accident. She knew I did it on purpose.

__________________

The week went on uneventfully. Every class was filled with quick glances, small touches and no words. I was working on convincing myself that that was enough for me. I can never go any further. What happened at her house was something I could never let happen again. I think she knew as much too. She hasn’t tried to talk to me about it again. She never initiates anything. She probably is ashamed and wants to pretend like it never happened. I don’t blame her.

After a week’s worth of experiencing a polite and quiet Toni, I realized how much I missed her. Yeah most of the time we had always been fighting, but it made me feel less alone. Now when we are together it’s as if we are strangers. 

There was a void that I needed to fill so I subtly dropped hints to Andrew that it would be a good idea to go to the basketball game on Friday. I made it so he thought it was his idea.

Toni 

It was a weird week. I tried to give Shelby as much space as I could. I didn’t try to start any fights. I didn’t try and ask her about the kiss. I did, however, spend every class reading into every movement she made. She kept seeming to find ways to touch me. Each time, I spent many minutes agonizing over if it was intentional or not. I had finally convinced myself that I was stupid and of course her pinky touching mine was an accident. But then she reached for the textbook. Her body suddenly was pressed up against mine, the button of her jeans pressed against my hip. I felt myself involuntarily suck in a breathe. And now she knew. She knew how much she affected me. I wasn’t able to hide it very well after all.

Friday came along and it was game day. The court was the one place I was able to escape my problems. When I played, I thought of nothing but the game and winning. It was my happy place. My safe place.

I began warming up with the team. The crowd was only just starting to pile in. It was a semi-final game so we were expecting a pretty decent sized crowd. I saw Marty and Regan in their usual spots in the stands, and waved. They were my support system. I was never the kid with the parents that would come to every game, so Marty and Regan made it a point to be that for me. Knowing that you have people in the crowd that are there just for you is one of the best feelings.

The game was going to start soon. Coach gave the team a pep talk in the locker room and then we lined up to wait for each of our names to be called. Being the captain, I was called last.

“AND STARTING POINT GUARD. SHE HOOPS LIKE A BOSS. BEST YOU DON’T CROSS. NUMBER 3, TONI SHALIFOEEEEE”

I ran onto the court. The crowd was cheering loudly, Marty and Regan were waving a poster with my head on it like crazy people, and suddenly a familiar face caught my eye. I couldn’t believe it, but there she was, Shelby sitting a few rows above Martha. We made eye contact and suddenly everyone and everything around me disappeared and it was just us. She broke her gaze before I did and it kicked me back into reality. She was with Andrew and his friends, of course. For just a second I thought maybe she had come to see me.

The first half of the game I kept letting myself get distracted. I was constantly looking to see if she was watching me. My head my not in the game like it usually was. I needed to kick it into gear. I started thinking about how no matter what happens between us, she will always run back to Andrew. I don’t fit into her life. I let anger fill me. I needed this. I used this. And we won.

Shelby 

The team won their game. I was so nervous that I wouldn’t be able to control myself when I watched. Obviously I could hide my infatuated gaze most of the time being that she was one of the star players and everyone was watching her. But it didn’t help that she kept looking up at me in the stands. I’m sure she was wondering what the heck I was even doing there. I tried to be nonchalant but then she just stopped acknowledging my presence altogether. I know it’s unfair of me when I have no intentions of pursing anything with her, but I like when she looks at me.

Andrew and the guys wanted to go to Mo’s diner after the game. Its where all the students go after sporting events to celebrate and get dinner. I looked for her in the diner but didn’t see her. After we finished eating, I asked Andrew if we could leave. We walked over to my car when he started to kiss me. I convinced myself to kiss him back but then he started pushing me up against the car. He started to kiss me harder and began rubbing up against me. I could feel his hands starting to creep under my shirt.

“Stop,” I gasped. “Andrew please stop.”

He kept going, “Come on babe, don’t be such a prude. We won, it’s time for celebrating.”

I continued to struggle against his grip when suddenly he was off me.

Toni had come out of nowhere and pulled Andrew off of me.

“Get off her. You fucking asshole. Don’t you know what the word no means?!,” Toni yelled.

Andrew started towards her but Toni kneed him in the stomach.

“You fucking cunt,” he grunted out.

I put myself between him and Toni. “Andrew, enough. Let’s just go,” I said quietly.

Andrew ignored my pleads and in his rage he shoved me aside. I fell hard against the asphalt.

Toni rushed to my side.“Shelby, are you okay?” she said checking me over trying to see if I was hurt anywhere.

“I’m fine. I think I just got the wind knocked out of me,” I said in shock.

We looked around and Andrew had jumped in the car of one of his friends and was driving off.

“You deserve better Shelby. How dare he put his hands on you,” Toni said bitterly watching the car drive off.

“Don’t say that, Toni. It was an accident. He didn’t mean to. He never does. He just gets carried away sometimes,” I whispered.

Toni took a step away from me, “I hope you don’t mean that. No one should ever treat you like that. The fact that you are defending him makes me sick.”

“I can’t do this right now Toni. I need to get home,” I said, on the verge of tears.

“Come with me, Martha can give you a ride home.”

“I’m fine I can drive myself home. Have a good night, Toni,” I hurried into my car. Toni watched me as I drove away.

Toni

2:37am

Shelby: Im outsiiiide

I woke up in the middle of the night to a text from Shelby. Half asleep, it didn’t register what the text meant. Then I heard a honk.

I looked outside and there was Shelby’s car parked in my driveway. I grabbed my coat and hurried outside. I got into her car and immediately smelled vodka. It looked like she had drank about half the bottle.

“Shelby please tell me you didn’t drink and drive,” I asked carefully.

“Of course not silly,” Shelby said giggling. “I drove here with the bottle and sat here staring at your house while I drank. Now that I think about it, I’m not sure what the plan was,” She said slurring her words.

“What’s wrong Shelby? Why did you decide to get drunk?”

“I needed to see youuuuu. But I’ve been fighting with the little voice in my mind telling me not to. I needed to shut it up. So I stole some vodka for my parents liquor cabinet. I just hadn’t planned on drinking quite this much,” she said stumbling over her words.

“Shelby, let me drive you home-“

“NO! I can’t go home like this. My daddy would kill me,” she said nervously. “Besides, I wanted to see youuu, “ she said leaning closer to me. “I wanted to… touch you,” Shelby said leaning over the console to put her hand on my thigh.

Our faces were inches apart. I couldn’t help but glance down at her lips. And then she was kissing me. Hard and fast. She kissed me with such desperation and need. I couldn’t help but return the enthusiasm. I wanted this too. She deepened the kiss, her tongue on mine. I groaned out in pleasure. Shelby took that as an invitation to jump the middle console. She straddled my lap and began kissing and sucking down my neck.

As much as I was enjoying this uninhibited version of Shelby, I knew I needed to slow things down, “Shelby. Shelby, stop for a second.”

“Toni, please," she pleaded. "Please let me have this. I need this. Please, please,” she began chanting as she started to ride my thigh. I watched as she hurried her movements.

“Oh god! Toni! Feels so good. Yes. Yes.”

I held her hips as she rode until release. She collapsed into my arms, tucking her face into my neck and began to cry.

“I need you. Please Toni. I need you,” she whimpered.

“I’m right here Shelby. I’m not going anywhere.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever attempt at writing something. Please let me know if you would keep reading if I continue!


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